Organized Sports NFL Picks: Champions Hip Weekend

You guys like old white guys debating about young men wearing their hats backwards?

You guys like old white guys debating about young men wearing their hats backwards?

You guys like narratives? Cause we got narratives. We got Brady versus Manning XV, also known as Mady versus Branning and Manny versus Brading. Will Manning’s history of choking in the playoffs, and Tom Brady’s history of being clutch in the playoffs, manifest here? Are those narratives overly simplified and in many ways untrue? Is Tom Brady truly a troll genius because he wears a Yankees cap even though he plays in Boston?

We also got Seahawks versus 49ers in the HOTTEST new rivalry. Two SMASHMOUTH defenses going at it, with young quarterbacks having to PROVE THEMSELVES UNDER DURESS. Is Colin Kaepernick as good as Russell Wilson, or does the fact that he wears his hat backwards and has tattoo sleeves mean he is a MENACE two (II?) (2?) society? Is the reason that all media people love Russell Wilson because he wears a tie to his press conferences? Does Jim Harbaugh yell while he’s eating and send flecks of mayonnaise flying?

We’ll find out this Sunday. On to the pixxx, after the jump.

(Note: All point spreads listed here are the lines at the time bets were made. Be sure to consult your very legitimate and legal sports book [cough] before making a bet of your own; lines move constantly due to the action on particular games. Also, gambling is illegal in many states. And watch out for those offshore betting sites, lest you end up like an online poker professional. Okay? Okay. Onward and upward.)

Divisional Round Record: 1-2-1

Playoffs So Far: 3-3-2

Overall Record: 125-126-10

AFC Championship Game (1/19 3:05PM ET)

New England Patriots at Denver Broncos -4.5
The Patriots made a major comeback to beat the Broncos in Foxboro earlier this year, once again feeding into the narrative that Brady REALLY GETS IT DONE and Manning JUST PILES UP STATS. I really hope that is not what happens in this game, because I do not like the Patriots, and I think it’d be gross if they won. I kind of think it will happen, though, and even if not, this will not be a blowout, so the smart play is to take the Patriots and the points. The Pointriots? Patrioints.
My Pick: Patriots +4.5

NFC Championship Game (1/19 6:40PM ET)

San Francisco 49ers at Seattle Seahawks -3.5
Being a Rams fan, I don’t like either one of these teams, but there are people I like on either team. I think Richard Sherman is pretty hilarious, because I enjoy trash-talking defensive backs. I think Anquan Boldin is awesome, and I look forward to seeing him pull down some catches he has no business making while being contacted beyond the initial five yards. I also happen to think that the 49ers will win outright, ruining the whole “impossible to win in Seattle because they have a 12th man advantage” narrative everyone loves. Then Seattle’s fans can go back to caring about their MLS team.
My Pick: 49ers +3.5

After this, there’s only one more game left that counts, and that makes me sad. But we’ll always have betting over/under on NBA games, I guess.

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