Organized Sports is a recurring sports column named for a seminal DC avant-hardcore song by the equally stupid and brilliant (to me, “equally stupid and brilliant” pretty much just means “brilliant”) band Void. Take from that what you will. 

The matchups for the conference finals are set. Let’s take a look back at the second round and a look forward at the four teams playing for the NBA Finals.

Grading the Second Round – The Western Conference

(1) Oklahoma City Thunder vs. (5) Memphis Grizzlies
Prediction: Grizzlies in 6
Actual Result: Grizzlies in 5
When Russell Westbrook was injured in the second game of the opening round, it pretty much ended OKC’s chances at defending their Western Conference title from last year, unless Kevin Durant could perform a miracle. He was not able to, shooting poorly in an increased role, obviously fatigued, and unable to hit a game-tying shot in the closeout game, after missing important free throws in the last couple. You can tell Durant’s tired when he’s not making his foul shots. None of this is to take away from the Grizzlies’ dominant, old-school performance. They play tough on the inside, Tony Allen is the best perimeter defender in the Association, and Mike Conley is coming into his own as a top-tier point guard.
Grade: A-

(2) San Antonio Spurs vs. (6) Golden State Warriors
Prediction: Spurs in 7
Actual Result: Spurs in 6
The Warriors completely outplayed the Spurs in the first two games of the series in San Antonio, but the wily veterans got it done and took the first game right at the end. Eventually, the slow and steady play of the Spurs and their ability to play solid defense and do everything right wore down the Warriors, who were too dependent on jumpshots to keep on winning once Steph Curry and Klay Thompson went cold. Still, the Warriors are a fun young team and it’ll be great to see if they can improve on this performance next year.
Grade: A-

Western Conference Average Grade: A-

Grading the Second Round – The Eastern Conference

(1) Miami Heat vs. (5) Chicago Bulls
Prediction: Heat in 5
Actual Result: Heat in 5
I got this one right on the nose, but if I’d have had to have picked which game the Bulls would win, I would have said it would have been the third game, their first home game. Instead, they upset the Heat in the first game on Miami’s floor, and caused brief thoughts that maybe the Bulls could keep the magic going and fully shock the world by taking the series. Those thoughts went right away with a blowout by the Heat in the second game, and another in the fourth, and then a comeback win in the closeout game to seal it. The Bulls fought hard, but they were overmatched, even as Dwyane Wade looked out of place on the floor due to nagging injuries. Could his lackluster play hurt the Heat moving forward?
Grade: A

(2) New York Knicks vs. (3) Indiana Pacers
Prediction: Knicks in 7
Actual Result: Pacers in 6
The Knicks at times looked awful, so bad that it’s surprising they managed to win two games. The team that looked really good at the end of the regular season did not look like that same team. This will of course bring up the debate of “whether or not you can WIN with Carmelo Anthony” and I for one am sick of it. He’s a great player, and yeah he’s a little selfish, but JR Smith was just as much, if not more, to blame for the poor showing this round, Tyson Chandler looked old and out of sorts, and no one for the Knicks played well. Also, Carmelo Anthony was one of the two best players (along with Dwyane Wade) on the 2008 Redeem Team, and he singlehandedly won a college title. You know who very much did not do that? Kevin Durant and especially Derrick Rose. So let’s keep the Carmelo criticism to ourselves, huh?
Grade: C-

Eastern Conference Average Grade: C+

Overall Average Grade: B

Western Conference Finals Prediction

(2) San Antonio Spurs vs. (5) Memphis Grizzlies
The Memphis Grizzlies upset the Spurs two years ago when the Spurs had the best record in the West and the Grizzlies were the eight seed, and in that time the Grizzlies have only gotten better while the Spurs are just about the same: maddeningly consistent and always near the top of the West. The Spurs are healthier this year and Tim Duncan seems revitalized, but the improvements made by the Grizzlies, including the emergence this playoff year of point guard Mike Conley, will make up that difference. This team is so Memphis and they don’t bluff.
Prediction: Grizzlies in 6

Eastern Conference Finals Prediction

(1) Miami Heat vs. (3) Indiana Pacers
Yes, the Pacers gave the Heat some trouble last year. Yes, they are the team that matches up best against the Heat. No, they will not win this series, and no, it won’t even be close.
Prediction: Heat in 5

The games start today, so in the immortal words of US President Guy “Whitey” Corngood, “Get ready.”

A thing the Blues will not win.

Organized Sports is a recurring sports column named for a seminal DC avant-hardcore song by the equally stupid and brilliant (to me, “equally stupid and brilliant” pretty much just means “brilliant”) band Void. Take from that what you will. 

Like every playoff year, there were some surprises, some upsets, and some predictable results in the first round. Since they’re not giving us much turnaround time to pontificate about early round results, let’s get on to the recaps and picks, after the jump.

Grading the First Round – The Western Conference

(1) Chicago Blackhawks vs. (8) Minnesota Wild
Prediction: Blackhawks in 4
Actual Result: Blackhawks in 5
The Wild managed to take a game, and could have just as easily won the first game as well, but the Blackhawks, who had been resting many important players at the end of the season, got their legs back and took care of the rest rather easily. They look just as deep and deadly as the team that won the Cup a couple of years ago, with Toews, Hossa, Kane, Sharp, Keith and Seabrook all still in place and a retooled bunch of supporting players that can both score and defend. Unless Coach Q screws something up, they are definitely the team to beat.
Grade: A-

(2) Anaheim Ducks vs. (7) Detroit Red Wings
Prediction: Ducks in 6
Actual Result: Red Wings in 7
The other team I was rooting for, the Anaheim Ducks, also fell in the first round, keeping it from being the first time all three California teams advanced to the second round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. The veteran playoff experience of the Red Wings proved key, and surely Blackhawk fans are a little worried; even though they’re the better team, they’d probably rather not face the thorn-in-side Red Wings yet again.
Grade: C-

(3) Vancouver Canucks vs. (6) San Jose Sharks
Prediction: Canucks in 7
Actual Result: Sharks in 4
Well, I got this one about as wrong as I possibly could, huh? The goaltending for Vancouver didn’t hold up, the Sharks gutted out an impressive overtime win to close out the sweep, and on they go. This from a team that lost to the Blues last year! I can make that joke, by the way, because I am a hometown fan of the St. Louis Bengals—I mean Blues.
Grade: F

(4) St. Louis Blues vs. (5) Los Angeles Kings
Prediction: Kings in 5
Actual Result: Kings in 6
The only surprise here was that the Blues managed to win more than one game. As they are the team I have watched all year, I know all of their weaknesses, and their losses were incredibly predictable. If they got a lead, they sat back, thinking talent would carry them through, even though the Kings are more talented. If they got behind, they tried hard to score but in many instances kept shooting the puck wide or high of the net. Even breakaways did not lead to shots on goal. The Blues took a major step backwards this year, and need to evaluate the direction they’d like to take in the future. On the other hand, after the first two games, the Kings looked to be back to their playoff selves, Jonathan Quick making stops when he needed to, Jeff Carter scoring goals when he needed to, and their offensive-minded defensemen pitching in. They probably will not repeat their run to the Cup, but they’ll be a tough out.
Grade: A-

Western Conference Average Grade: C

Grading the First Round – The Eastern Conference

(1) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (8) New York Islanders
Prediction: Penguins in 5
Actual Result: Penguins in 6
The Islanders gave the Penguins a tougher matchup than everyone predicted, but Sidney Crosby returned and even with half of his jaw missing was still the best player on the ice when he was out there. The Isles have a good team, though, and since they can do some scoring, they’ll likely be a team to watch for years to come. They’re just not quite there yet. The Penguins, Marc-Andre Fleury’s problems in net notwithstanding, very much are.
Grade: A-

(2) Montreal Canadiens vs. (7) Ottawa Senators
Prediction: Canadiens in 6
Actual Result: Senators in 5
In playoff hockey, the tougher team tends to win, and that’s what happened in this series. The Senators dominated, the Canadiens fought back with cheap shots, and instead of complaining to the referees the Senators policed the game themselves with two full line brawls where each member of the Ottawa team handed his Montreal counterpart his lunch. Montreal wrote some checks with their mouths that their bodies could not cash, and other cliches. Thus, O-Ottawa moves on and it’s yet another year without a new banner in Montreal.
Grade: C-

(3) Washington Capitals vs. (6) New York Rangers
Prediction: Capitals in 5
Actual Result: Rangers in 7
Another year, another Capitals flameout, and more Ovechkin excuses. They just didn’t play well, especially on the road, and the Rangers deserved to win, despite what Ovi and other Caps are saying about the officiating. The officiating wasn’t one-sided, it was just bad . . . sort of like the Capitals in the final game.
Grade: D

(4) Boston Bruins vs. (5) Toronto Maple Leafs
Prediction: Bruins in 6
Actual Result: Bruins in 7
This had all the hallmarks of another epic collapse for the Bruins, letting the Leafs back into it after going up 3-1 in the series, then trailing by three goals with just ten minutes left in the third period of the deciding game. Instead, the Leafs were the team that collapsed, and Boston gets to move on.
Grade: A-

Eastern Conference Average Grade: B-

Overall Average Grade: C+

Round 2 Predictions – Western Conference

(1) Chicago Blackhawks vs. (7) Detroit Red Wings
Though the Blackhawks have been the better team over the last few years, the Red Wings have long been the dominant team in the Central Division, with the Blues and Blackhawks alternating places as the division’s also-rans. Now that the Hawks are definitely better, it still seems like they’d probably rather have faced the Sharks or Kings in the second round, instead of their old nemesis. That being said, the Hawks really are the better team, and should take this one—they’re deeper, they have a roster full of recent Cup winners, and they have the home ice advantage.
Prediction: Blackhawks in 6

(5) Los Angeles Kings vs. (6) San Jose Sharks
Hockey dominance in the Golden State has long been the Sharks’ domain, but now the Kings are the defending Cup champions and the Sharks are the underdogs. When Cup series have evenly matched teams, it’s best to go with the hot hand in net, which, once again this year, is Jonathan Quick.
Prediction: Kings in 6

Round 2 Predictions – Eastern Conference

(4) Boston Bruins vs. (6) New York Rangers
An original six rivalry between two cities who the media loves to have play one another. I for one can’t wait to not watch this!
Prediction: Rangers in 7

(1) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (7) Ottawa Senators
The Penguins and Senators do not like each other much, and the Senators proved they can hold their own in a violent series by completely dominating the Montreal Canadiens physically. I’d like to see Daniel Alfredsson get a Cup finally, but the Penguins look mighty tough, especially after the change to Tomas Vokoun in net.
Prediction: Penguins in 7

Onwards we go, marching toward the Cup finals. Ratings are up this year—we all know the lockout hurt NHL business; what my article presupposes is, maybe it didn’t? Wildcat . . .

Wildcat.

I’m just gonna go.

Derrick Rose, not helping his team win in the first round.

Organized Sports is a recurring sports column named for a seminal DC avant-hardcore song by the equally stupid and brilliant (to me, “equally stupid and brilliant” pretty much just means “brilliant”) band Void. Take from that what you will. 

The first round of the NBA Playoffs is over and the second beginning right away. There weren’t many surprises in the first round as far as the results, but there was at least one injury that should change the makeup of the playoffs the rest of the way.

On to the recaps and picks after the jump, which is also a thing people do a lot when playing basketball.

Grading the First Round – The Western Conference

(1) Oklahoma City Thunder vs. (8) Houston Rockets
Prediction: OKC in 4
Actual Result: OKC in 6
A happening in game two of the series changed the complexion of the series itself and the Western Conference playoff picture as a whole, when Russell Westbrook was injured for the rest of the playoffs on a seemingly harmless play. It took all Kevin Durant had in him to finally put the Rockets away in game six, and though they won the series and made it to the second round, the top seed now looks like anything but.
Grade: B+

(2) San Antonio Spurs vs. (7) Los Angeles Lakers
Prediction: Spurs in 5
Actual Result: Spurs in 4
Ouch. When the Lakers lose, they sure do lose. Reminiscent of the embarrassing loss to the Mavericks two years ago in the second round, the Spurs didn’t so much win this series as scorch the earth that the Lakers walked on. In the final game, Dwight Howard was ejected, hopefully bringing an end to the hopes that he can turn the franchise around and be “the guy” once Kobe, injured for who knows how long, finally retires. It’s hard to even judge if the Spurs looked good or not because the Lakers looked so bad. If there’s something more embarrassing than getting swept with the final game of the sweep on your home court, this was it.
Grade: A-

(3) Denver Nuggets vs. (6) Golden State Warriors
Prediction: Nuggets in 6
Actual Result: Warriors in 6
In what was probably the most fun to watch basketball of the playoffs thus far, the Warriors upset the Nuggets behind a superstar-making performance by Stephan Curry, who turned the third quarters of the last few games into his personal trey-and-assist playground. The Nuggets couldn’t find a way to stop him, and couldn’t find a way to outscore him without Danilo Gallinari, whose absence was more noticeable than I had thought it would be. The series got chippy, it got ugly, and the basketball was beautiful. I was rooting for the Nuggets and wrong in my prediction, but I can’t say I’m too unhappy with the result.
Grade: C

(4) Los Angeles Clippers vs. (5) Memphis Grizzlies
Prediction: Clippers in 7
Actual Result: Grizzlies in 6
After last year’s tough series between these two teams that saw the Clips moving on, the Grizzlies took their revenge this year by playing “big boy basketball.” Zach Randolph and Marc Gasol owned the Clipper bigs, and the Clipper offense looked out of sorts running all sorts of iso plays that didn’t work. If it weren’t for a miracle last second leaner in game two by Chris Paul, this series would have been over even sooner, and now the Grizzlies are looking like a potential Western Conference Champ.
Grade: C-

Western Conference Average Grade: B-

Grading the First Round – The Eastern Conference

(1) Miami Heat vs. (8) Milwaukee Bucks
Prediction: Heat in 4
Actual Result: Heat in 4
This series went as planned, with the Heat not even having to fully turn on the engines to defeat the Bucks, who wouldn’t have even dreamed of touching a playoff spot had they been in the Western Conference. LeBron played well, with balanced numbers a little below his season average, but big numbers were not needed. Being able to win a series on cruise control must be nice; the second round will likely be a tad more difficult, though the result likely won’t be.
Grade: A

(2) New York Knicks vs. (7) Boston Celtics
Prediction: Knicks in 6
Actual Result: Knicks in 6
It took the Knicks six games to beat the Celtics, but after three games it sure didn’t look that way, with the Celtics looking old and out of sorts and too tired to do any damage in the second half without Rajon Rondo at the helm. Then the Celtics won game four, and took game five in a rough matchup, and people began wondering if the Celtics could do the Knicks what the Red Sox did to the Yankees in 2004. That ended up not happening, but the Celts made a valiant effort, and left people wondering what the Knicks will be capable of in this next round.
Grade: A

(3) Indiana Pacers vs. (6) Atlanta Hawks
Prediction: Pacers in 6
Actual Result: Pacers in 6
In the series that no one watched, the basketball was ugly enough that not watching was totally justified. In their wins, the Pacers looked good, and in their losses, both in Atlanta, they looked entirely lost. They’ll have to figure out some way to win on the road if they want to continue their run.
Grade: A

(4) Brooklyn Nets vs. (5) Chicago Bulls
Prediction: Bulls in 7
Actual Result: Bulls in 7
There’s no way the Bulls should have won this series. There’s no way the Nets should have lost this series. The Nets choked away a massive lead in game three, with unlikely heroes Joakim Noah (playing nearly the entire game with plantar fasciitis) and Nate Robinson (hotter than a pistol) combining to bring the Bulls back and win in triple overtime. Other than Deron Williams, none of the Nets earned their salary, but they should be happy with the result: last year, they weren’t even sniffing the playoffs, and this year they went to a game seven in the first round. Next year if they don’t make it out of the first is the time to worry.
Grade: A

Eastern Conference Average Grade: A

Overall Average Grade: B+

Round 2 Predictions – Western Conference

(1) Oklahoma City Thunder vs. (5) Memphis Grizzlies
Going into the playoffs, the Thunder looked like the team to come out of the West, with the Spurs bothered by nagging injuries and the Thunder fully healthy and running on all cylinders. Now, with Russell Westbrook out, that is no longer the case. Durant needs a second option, and one has yet to emerge. On the other hand, the Grizzlies looked great in their first round matchup dismantling the Clippers, totally outplaying them in every game except the first. Tony Allen will be able to focus his entire perimeter defensive attention on Kevin Durant without Westbrook there, and the Memphis bigs should have no trouble scoring down low. Look for an upset that doesn’t even look like an upset.
Prediction: Grizzlies in 6

(2) San Antonio Spurs vs. (6) Golden State Warriors
The Spurs had an easy traipse through the first round, sweeping the lowly Lakers in embarrassing fashion and leaving themselves plenty of time to rest up before having to face the Warriors, who are a little worse for the wear after their tough series with the Nuggets—though it didn’t go seven games, it left enough bruises that it may as well have, with David Lee out, Steph Curry’s ankle bugging him (but not stopping him from raining threes like Slayer rains blood [RIP Jeff Hanneman]), and other slight tweaks. The Spurs aren’t 100% themselves, but they play a disciplined enough style that they should be able to defend better than the Nuggets were able, and Tim Duncan’s solid presence down low, along with Curry having to guard Tony Parker, gives the Spurs a slight edge.
Prediction: Spurs in 7

Round 2 Predictions – Eastern Conference

(1) Miami Heat vs. (5) Chicago Bulls
The Heat looked like their murderous selves in their easy first round sweep of the Nets. The Bulls played their hearts out shorthanded and hobbled to steal the first round series in seven games against the Nets. Derrick Rose, looking more and more selfish by the day, will not play yet again, Kirk Hinrich is doubtful, and Luol Deng will likely not be 100% even if he does play. This should be another easy one for the Heat, but because these Bulls just won’t quit, it will not be a sweep.
Prediction: Heat in 5 

(2) New York Knicks vs. (3) Indiana Pacers
There are no players left from the Knicks-Pacers series matchups in the 1990s, but the cities both remember, and Spike Lee will be there. The Knicks are the better team when they’re on, but they’ve shown how bad they can be when they’re off, as in their two losses to the Celtics in the first round. The Pacers are terrible on the road, and in an otherwise fairly evenly matched series, that means the higher seed has the advantage. I’ll take the Knicks in a long one.
Prediction: Knicks in 7

I enjoy how “playoff basketball” has become what people in the media and the players when interviewed say to explain anything that happens in the playoffs. Playing through injuries? Playoff basketball. Dirty plays resulting in an almost brawl? Playoff basketball. Pigs flying? Playoff basketball. The Book of Job? Playoff basketball.

See you after the second round.

This is how I’m livin’, dog.

Organized Sports is a recurring sports column named for a seminal DC avant-hardcore song by the equally stupid and brilliant (to me, “equally stupid and brilliant” pretty much just means “brilliant”) band Void. Take from that what you will.

The lockout-shortened hockey season resulted in a race for the Stanley Cup Playoffs that extended even beyond the planned final day of the regular season, as the marathon bombing and its aftermath in Boston pushed a game to the Sunday after the season was supposed to end, with the result giving us the seeding we have for the first round matchups in the East.

The lockout-shortened hockey season also resulted in this die-hard hockey fan watching the least hockey he has since getting back into the sport after a loss of interest following the previous lockout, which wiped out an entire season. As a St. Louis Blues fan, I didn’t watch an entire hockey game that didn’t involve my home team, and because of the scheduling this year, that means my Eastern Conference predictions (Western teams only played Western opponents, same with the East, due to the lesser number of games) will be even less informed than usual. Perhaps that means I’ll actually get them right for once.

Hockey playoff pixies after the jump.

Round 1 Predictions – Western Conference

(1) Chicago Blackhawks vs. (8) Minnesota Wild
The Blackhawks began this season setting records and didn’t really let up the whole way, sewing up the number one seed in the West long before the season’s end and trying out minor leaguers while getting their stars rested up as the season wound to a close. Patrick Kane is playing the best he has in quite a while (word is he’s cleaned up his off-ice act and will no longer be missing games with flu-like symptoms, also known as day-long hangovers), Jonathan Toews is a rock, the roster is stacked, and Coach Q is staying out of the way. With the talent and health of this team (only Patrick Sharp, of the main guys, could potentially be hobbled at all, but should be fine come later rounds) they should coast their way to the Western Conference Finals, if not farther. On the other hand, the Wild ass-backed into the playoffs and, barring miracle hot goaltending, probably won’t even take a game in this series.
Prediction: Blackhawks in 4

(2) Anaheim Ducks vs. (7) Detroit Red Wings
Lost amongst the record-setting done by the Blackhawks is the great season that the Ducks had out West, putting together a great record and a year that would have been the talk of the league if not for the Blackhawks and the fact that the American hockey media only really cares about teams in the Northeast. If my hometown Blues can’t come out of the West and win it, I’m rooting for the Ducks, because they’re a fun team to watch and they feature a great player in probably his final year still performing to the high standards he’s set for himself: the greatest Finnish scorer of all time, Teemu Selanne. He’s old, he’s awesome, he for all intents and purposes seems like a great guy, and I hope they go all the way, though the Blackhawks will be a tough obstacle. This year, though they normally would be, Detroit should not be, barely making it into the playoffs and still stabilizing after losing their own longtime still-great Scandinavian, Nicklas Lidstrom. They’ll put up more of a fight than the Wild against the Blackhawks—they still have Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Zetterberg, after all—but should go down to the Ducks.
Prediction: Ducks in 6

I used to own this Sharks Starter Jacket. Wish I still did #swag.

(3) Vancouver Canucks vs. (6) San Jose Sharks
This series is much harder to predict. Neither team has been that great this year, and even though the Canucks took their division, they seem entirely beatable. The Sharks also look eminently beatable. The difference will probably come to goaltending, where the Canucks have a stronger one and two, at least when it comes to the early rounds. I’ll take the Canucks in a squeaker.
Prediction: Canucks in 7

(4) St. Louis Blues vs. (5) Los Angeles Kings
This one isn’t as hard to predict, even though it’s a 4-5 matchup and those are usually a toss-up. I wish it were harder to predict, since the Blues are the team I root for and they’ve come into the playoffs with some good momentum following some serious lulls throughout the shortened season. But these are basically the same teams that met last year, when the Blues were upset and swept by the eighth-place Kings on the way to their fairly effortless Stanley Cup win. When it comes down to it, the Blues and Kings are the same team, but each component is a little better on the Kings: goaltending is better; hard-hitting, talented, somewhat dirty captain Dustin Brown is slightly better than hard-hitting, talented, somewhat dirty captain David Backes; Anze Kopitar is a better two-way European forward than Alex Steen; and so on. I do think the Blues will take a game or two this time around, but I’m not getting my hopes up.
Prediction: Kings in 5

Round 1 Predictions – Eastern Conference

(1) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (8) New York Islanders
My predictions for the Eastern Conference come with a lot less first-hand knowledge, as I only watched games involving the Blues and thus did not see any Eastern Conference teams play, except when one of them happened to have highlights shown in between Tebow speculations on SportsCenter. I do know, however, that the Islanders making it to the playoffs is a surprise, and that with or without Sidney Crosby the Penguins are the most stacked team in the East, since everyone wants to play there—much like the late-nineties, early-oughts Red Wings. Long Island will soon lose their team to Brooklyn, so they hopefully won’t take this first-round loss too hard on the way out the door.
Prediction: Penguins in 5

(2) Montreal Canadiens vs. (7) Ottawa Senators
The Canadiens and Senators facing each other means a couple of things: big ratings in Canada and at least one Canadian team guaranteed to make it to the second round of the playoffs. The Canadiens are the stronger team this year, and the Senators would likely have been more fired up to play the Penguins, the team they hate most. Without that axe to grind, they will likely lose out in the first round and the Habs will move on.
Prediction: Canadiens in 6

If you’re Russian, it doesn’t matter if you’re ugly, as long as you’re good at hockey.

(3) Washington Capitals vs. (6) New York Rangers
In the series NBC really wanted to happen, the resurgent Washington Capitals, riding on a Hart Trophy-worthy season from Alex Ovechkin, will face the Rangers, who just ass-backed themselves into the playoffs and will bring their inconsistent play and consistent TV ratings to the NHL postseason. Before this year, it seemed that the Crosby-Ovechkin debate was over and done with, but with Crosby out injured yet again, and Ovechkin having the short-season equivalent of a 50-goal year, it’s time to bring that debate back. The Caps should take this one, and if they play like they have during the second half of the season, they will.
Prediction: Capitals in 5

(4) Boston Bruins vs. (5) Toronto Maple Leafs
Both of these teams have reasons to be excited and motivation. The Leafs are in the playoffs for the first time in forever, with Phil Kessel leading the way for the guys in blue and white. He’ll be motivated against the team that got rid of him before winning the Cup. The Bruins have that whole hashtag Boston Strong thing going for them. The Bruins’ experience should carry them through this first round—it’s only two years ago they hoisted the Cup.
Prediction: Bruins in 6

Because of the lockout, the Stanley Cup Playoffs start as some of the first round NBA playoff series have already ended. This means the Stanley Cup won’t be hoisted until after the NBA Finals have occurred, because exactly what we need is hockey well into summer. Thanks, ownership and players’ associations for making your sport a joke yet again, without even solving the labor issues that led to the lockout in the first place.

And, Let’s Go Blues.

Liprawn Chaymes is a dear, dear friend of mine.

Organized Sports is a recurring sports column named for a seminal DC avant-hardcore song by the equally stupid and brilliant (to me, “equally stupid and brilliant” pretty much just means “brilliant”) band Void. Take from that what you will.

Hey there! After yet another long hiatus, in which we’ve ignored much of what has gone on in the sporting world since the end of the NFL season, including the return of hockey, the Miami Heat’s 27-game winning streak, and the entire NCAA tournament, along with other stories both tragic and idiotic, Organized Sports is returning to do what it’s best known for: incorrectly predicting things.

Up now: the NBA playoffs. It’s been a long season, but in the dead times there were stories to keep interest in the league afloat: the bumbling of the Lakers in the early going, the Heat’s streak in the season’s dragging middle-third, and lots and lots of lob dunks from the Clippers throughout. No use trying to run through all of it, so let’s get right to it. The picks, after the jump.

Round 1 Predictions – Western Conference

(1) Oklahoma City Thunder vs. (8) Houston Rockets
Many were surprised the Thunder did not keep their own “Big Three” together for another year, trading James Harden in advance of not being able to afford him after this season to, guess who, the Houston Rockets. Many were surprised also when the Thunder didn’t lose a step, with Kevin Martin and Reggie Jackson filling the Harden role capably, if without as much flair for the dramatic. Harden will likely want to put up some numbers against his old team, but the Rockets weren’t even necessarily expected to make the playoffs this year, and won’t be much of a speedbump for the Thunder on their road (Thunder Road?) through the west.
Prediction: OKC in 4

(2) San Antonio Spurs vs. (7) Los Angeles Lakers
This year, the Spurs have done what they do: win games consistently, playing good basketball, while resting their aging stars as needed. There do seem to be some cracks in the facade, though, as it is unlikely Manu Ginobili will be available for egregious flops and clutch shots, at least at his normal level, and they have been tinkering with the roster up to the end of the season, waiving Stephen Jackson and signing Tracy McGrady (yeah, you read that right, switching out S-Jack for T-Mac). When they were the number one seed two years ago and Ginobili wasn’t at his best, the Grizzlies upset them from the 8-spot. Will the Lakers pull off the upset, rallying behind Dwight Howard with Kobe Bryant sidelined, maybe forever? No.
Prediction: Spurs in 5

Yeah, Kobe you are not.

(3) Denver Nuggets vs. (6) Golden State Warriors
There likely isn’t a huge audience for this series, but it should be a fun one to watch, two teams who are up-and-comers in the West running and gunning and scoring well into the 100s. The Nuggets are better defensively and a better all-around offensive team, even without their nominal “star,” Italian wing-gunner Danilo Gallinari. Even though the biggest-name player in the series is Steph Curry, and in the NBA wins usually follow the stars more than any other sport, the true star of this series will be Nuggets coach George Karl, who’ll add another playoff series win to his career resume.
Prediction: Nuggets in 6

(4) Los Angeles Clippers vs. (5) Memphis Grizzlies
This may be the best series of all the first-round matchups, because there is genuine bad blood between these teams. They’ve had tough regular season games this year, and last year the Clippers ousted the Grizzlies, who were favored in the series, in seven games. The Grizzlies play tough and physical and are infuriated by the amount of flopping Chris Paul and the rest of the Clippers use to gain an advantage. The Clippers are high-flying where the Grizzlies are grounded. This was the best regular season the Clips have ever had, but they need this playoff win to make it the best season overall. I think they’ll get it.
Prediction: Clippers in 7

Round 1 Predictions – Eastern Conference

(1) Miami Heat vs. (8) Milwaukee Bucks
The road to the Finals through the Eastern Conference comes through Miami, and really there’s no way I can see anyone beating them. In hockey, the difference between the 8-seed and the 1-seed can be a wide gap or a tiny one eliminated by a team coming on at the right time, as the Stanley Cup-winning Los Angeles Kings showed last year. In the NBA, on the other hand, it’s rare, and in this case, with the massively unimpressive Bucks going up against a team that had the second-longest win streak of all time, it’s impossible. As in, not possible. As in, if it happens, liberals and conservatives will somehow all agree on gun control. The only way the Bucks can have an effect on this year’s playoffs is if some freak (purposeful or accidental) injury occurs, knocking LeBron James, the best player on the planet, out for the remainder. Even if that happens, the Bucks won’t win this series.
Prediction: Heat in 4

(2) New York Knicks vs. (7) Boston Celtics
I guess it’s cool that the Knicks are a fun team to watch this year, and that they’re good, and that Carmelo is playing at his best and won the scoring title, but it’s very indicative of New York that they claim to have such a great basketball history even though they haven’t won a title since Bachmann-Turner Overdrive was on the charts, and that other cities that are not often thought of in those terms have the same amount, or more, titles than the Knicks. All that being said, I like Carmelo and I like watching these Knicks and I think they’ll escape the Rondo-less Celtics in a battle.
Prediction: Knicks in 6

One of many things that will be watched more than Pacers-Hawks.

(3) Indiana Pacers vs. (6) Atlanta Hawks
No one will watch this series, and there isn’t much reason to. The Hawks are a franchise that hovers between fourth and eighth-best in the East and never does anything more than that, and even Atlanta residents don’t really seem to care about them, except when arguing that Dominique Wilkins got robbed in the dunk contest against Jordan. The Pacers are near the bottom of the league in attendance despite being pretty good, and the most-likely team to dethrone the Heat. Though, by most-likely, that just means it’s a much larger snowball that will take a slight bit more time in hell to melt.
Prediction: Pacers in 6

(4) Brooklyn Nets vs. (5) Chicago Bulls
The Brooklyn Nets have gotten a new city, a new stadium, and midway through the year a new coach. Deron Williams is finally back to playing as well as he can, and the coachkiller talk has died down a little bit. Still, now that Jay-Z has sold his share and will likely be back watching the Knicks at the Garden, how long will people care? Winning this playoff series could be a way to keep that momentum for fandom going, but it’ll be tough. The Bulls, even without Derrick Rose, play tough defense and physical team basketball. This one seems like a coin toss to me, but I’ll take the Bulls gutting it out before losing to the Heat.
Prediction: Bulls in 7

There you have it, my picks for the first round of the NBA Playoffs. Fully Reconditioned and Organized Sports: where wrong predictions happen.

Yes, he really said “Thank You, Super Bowl!”

Organized Sports is a recurring sports column named for a seminal DC avant-hardcore song by the equally stupid and brilliant (to me, “equally stupid and brilliant” pretty much just means “brilliant”) band Void. Take from that what you will. 

It all comes down to this. If it were the college national title game, this one would be for all the Tostitos, but since the Super Bowl is the premier spot for debuting high-budget ads for new cars and blockbuster films, this one’s for all the Fiat Abarths and Superman Reboots.

I really love the Super Bowl, particularly have over the past fifteen years or so, when the games moved from either the Cowboys or the 49ers blowing out some hopeless AFC team to a series of mostly close games decided in the final quarter if not the final minutes. Though the Rams won the Super Bowl in 2000 on the final play of the game with a defensive stop, and they are my team, that is not my favorite Super Bowl—that would have to be the perfect Patriots getting upset by the very imperfect Giants. But there have been many great games. Hopefully this is another.

On to the picks.

Last Week: 2-0

Playoffs So Far: 4-6

The Super Bowl (2/3 6PM)

Baltimore Ravens vs. San Francisco 49ers (-3.5)
The line started out higher, but as the money was coming in on the Ravens, the spread has lowered a point in the week or so since it was released. The Harbaugh Bowl, which I’m sure you’ve heard enough about, should be quite the game.

Full disclosure: I didn’t want either one of these teams to make the playoffs. I don’t dislike the Ravens, other than Ray Lewis and his false tears during the National Anthem public persona. I do very much dislike the 49ers as a Rams fan, and I find Jim Harbaugh to be, even though obviously a great coach, reminiscent of a spoiled child, as shown in his sideline tantrums when things don’t go his way.

Still, there are players on both teams I’d like to see get a ring. On the 49ers, Randy Moss has become a role-player, a solid third receiver. He had the chance at one point to be the greatest receiver ever, and remains the most physically talented receiver ever. If he gets a ring, despite all of his personal issues and attitude problems over the years, people will have to consider him only the second-best receiver of all time. The fact that that’s a disappointment shows how great he really was. I like Moss, always have, so if he were to get a ring, I’d happily say: Straight Cash, Homie.

On the other side, there are several likeable players. Ray Rice is a hell of a running back, and would put up even more stats with an offense more built around his style. Torrey Smith has been a great story this year, playing through the death of the brother he raised like a son. But the Raven I’d most like to see get a ring is Ed Reed, the real lynchpin of that vaunted Ravens D over the past six or seven years. Also, I like that he looks like a Black Panther from 1969.

Finally, if the 49ers were to win with a mobile quarterback, an African-American one no less, hopefully it would put to rest some of the stupidity in the media about how you have to have a tall white statue under center to win in THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. Chances are, it won’t, though.

Who do I think will win? I think it’ll be the Niners, but I think it’ll be close, and much more of an offensive game than a game featuring two vaunted defenses should be, as the playoffs this year have shown quite a bit of scoring. So I’ll take the Ravens and the points, and the over since there’s no more games after this and i have to bet on something.
My Pick: Ravens (+3.5)
Bonus Pick: Over 47.5

When this game is over, that means a solid seven months of no football, and that is depressing. But at least Boston sports fans will be happy, since pitchers and catchers report soon.

Today’s Post-Dispatch.

Yesterday, the news spread quickly in St. Louis that Stan Musial had passed away. The greatest Cardinal to ever wear the birds on the bat, Musial meant more to this city than any athlete has ever meant to any city, with the only exception I can possibly think of being Magic Johnson—someone who played his entire career with one team, defined success, and adopted that team’s town as his own, helping to make it a better place both during his athletic career and afterwards.

There will be many tributes to Stan the Man, and they will likely be more eloquent than this one. They’ll talk about his exploits on the field, exploits I never saw because they occurred well before my birth. They’ll talk about how much he was as good a man off the field as on, how much he contributed to the Cardinals organization, mentoring young players, inspiring them, how much he did for the city of St. Louis, the city that became his home.

How much he did for this city, and the baseball fans in it, can likely never be measured in full. Many St. Louisans have their own Stan the Man stories, and those little stories hopefully can help to illustrate how cool a guy he really was. It’s not big or important, but here’s mine.

***

During college, I worked at the Schnuck’s (local grocery chain, for those outside of the St. Louis area) in Kirkwood, one of the inner suburbs of St. Louis. Stan Musial happened to live nearby, and this was the grocery store where he did his shopping. He’d pop in once every couple of weeks, chat with everyone who worked there, flirt with the gals in his charming old man way, and, for some reason, buy $20 worth of Powerball tickets. I guess even the greatest players in baseball history want to win the lottery.

I happened to work in the video section, which meant I also manned the counter for lottery ticket sales (your guess is as good as mine why). One Saturday, Stan came in and made his first stop at the lottery counter, saying hello to Karen, my coworker, who he knew by name having come in many times before. I introduced myself to him and probably tripped over my words a dozen times before telling him I’d grown up a Cardinals fan and my grandfather who was from Montana had also been a Cards fan because of Dizzy Dean and Stan the Man. He, as he often did for one or two employees when he came in, autographed a $20 bill and folded it into a ring to wear, and gave it to me. He bought his Powerball tickets and went on his way through the store.

After I was done talking to Stan, a guy and his son, probably about eight, came up to the counter with videos to rent. The dad told his son, who was wearing a Cardinals cap, that I had just been talking to Stan Musial, and the eight-year-old’s jaw dropped. Even an eight-year-old Cardinals fan in the early 2000s knew who Stan the Man was, and was awed by his presence. I said the kid should go talk to him, he’s nice and he won’t mind, he’ll enjoy talking to you, but he was too shy.

Then, the thought occurred to me that the autographed $20 that Stan had given to me would mean a lot more to this kid than it would to me, and I decided to give it to him. The dad kept telling me I didn’t have to do that, but I wanted to. The kid put the ring on and his face lit up. It felt like the coolest thing I’d ever done, and it was because of Stan the Man, probably the coolest person I’ve ever met, that I got to feel that way, and I still do, thinking of that story.

***

There are probably hundreds, if not thousands, of stories like mine about Stan Musial, from St. Louisans of all ages. That’s why a whole city is mourning his loss. He wasn’t just a ballplayer, he wasn’t just a great ballplayer. He was the greatest St. Louisan, and embodied everything this town should strive to be. That’s why I’m sad, very sad, but I’m smiling as I remember him today.

We all have our vices.

Mine include: a daily weekday stream, upon waking, of the Dan Patrick Show; a scan of Tweets from various sources, most prominently (as he knows, because I Tweet him with regularity, like a lunatic) Richard Deitsch, Sports Illustrated’s media reporter; a propensity to cycle piece after piece after piece through any kind of athletic coverage, be it the weekday blog of my preferred hometown sports columnist, or some sudden column debunking this week’s latest NFL myths, or FR’s own Travis, who writes weekly during the NFL season brilliant comedic pieces melding his love of football and (rather expert) insights into gambling, an element which (whether we want to admit it or not) informs a lion’s share of this country’s obsessive devotion to professional football; visits to SI.com, FoxSports.com, CBSSports.com, ProFootballTalk.com, MLBTradeRumors.com, and so on.

I eat this shit up like slow-simmered scrambled eggs.  A whole lot of us do.  It’s sports.  We love it.  They mean, in theory, nothing, but we have an appetite, insatiable.  You may not like football, but maybe you like hockey.  You might think baseball boring, but you’ve got a taste for the NCAA tournament. So on, and so on.

This past week, as anybody with access to the Internet knows, a college football player named Manti Te’o was exposed, or not exposed, or humiliated, or some such passive verb, as the perpetrator, or non-perpetrator, or victim, of a colossal scam involving a fictional person whom we sports fans came to know as his loving, inspiring, cancer-expired girlfriend.  This very evening, Te’o offered an off-camera interview to ESPN’s Jeremy Schaap, an interview about which details were scattered on SportsCenter, about which Twitter went into a tizzy before and after, and which, in essence, told us fans we hadn’t known or assumed days prior.  In the churning wake of Lance Armstrong’s two-day Oprah-enabled assault on our obsessions, no less.

This is not why we love sports.

Yes, we are human, and we by nature are aroused by sensation.  Such stories arouse like porn.  A finalist for the NCAA’s highest personal honor exposed as the perpetrator/victim/both of a sociopathic scam?  Bring me the details.  An interviewed victor, seven times strong, of a tournament long regarded as a chili-pot of cheaters pulsed by illicit chemistry?  Gimme more.

These phenomena make good copy.  They make great conversation.  They give us something to enable and further debate.  Conversation.  Mutual bafflement.

But.

They.  Are.  Not.  Why.  We.  Love.  Sports.

We love sports because we find joy in physical exuberance.  We love sports because we ally ourselves with teams for reasons geographical or psychological.  We love sports because it is inspiring to enjoy the vision of physicality, or mentality, or both, at their peak, via visceral, visual evidence.  We love sports because they get us excited.  They break our hearts, our teams, our athletes; they fill said hearts, too, when they succeed.  We do not love sports because they are tabloids.  Exactly the opposite.

I’m tired of Manti Te’o, no matter what his story may or may not be.  I’m exhausted by Lance Armstrong, a sociopath minus murder should one ever exist.  I love my social media; I love my sports discussions; I celebrate that I can connect with even the most random unexpected acquaintance based on so much as debate over an upcoming contest.

I hate this past week.  I’m done with it.  Yes, these tales are addictive, and others will further addiction when they come to pass.  I’m as much an addict as anybody.  We constitute a story-hungry, salacious global audience, be the medium sports or other.

But, as noted: those kind of stories?

They are not why we love sports.

If that seems overdramatic, I’ll put it another way.

I just want to watch some fucking games.

I’m so sad my fake girlfriend is dead.

Organized Sports is a recurring sports column named for a seminal DC avant-hardcore song by the equally stupid and brilliant (to me, “equally stupid and brilliant” pretty much just means “brilliant”) band Void. Take from that what you will. 

It’s not NFL-related, but I’d be remiss if I did not mention the biggest football-related story of the week, that being Deadspin’s investigation into the heartwarming backstory of Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o, which found out that the tale of his deceased girlfriend, whose death from leukemia inspired him to the Heisman running this season, was entirely a hoax.

Now, Manti Te’o is a 22-year-old young man, in college still, and when I was around that age, I told quite a few lies about girls, to girls, and more. After the jump, I’ll include a couple of those stories along with my picks, because we’ve talked enough about these teams already, haven’t we? I mean, Ray Lewis retirement potential Harbaugh bowl battle of the brothers Falcons monkey on back Tony Gonzalez Greatriots. That covers it, right? All right then, onwards and upwards.

Last Week: 1-3

Playoffs So Far: 2-6

NFC Championship Game (1/20 3PM)

San Francisco 49ers (-4.5) at Atlanta Falcons
Once, I was at a party where the female partygoers were mostly from another college. As was the convention then, one girl asked me what my major was. I informed her that my college does not have majors, but instead we each have a “focus”, and that my focus was in physics. In reality, I majored in English, which is why I’m writing a blog no one reads instead of working with the Supercollider.
My Pick: Falcons (+4.5)

This was the LEAST vile thing that came up in my Google Image search

AFC Championship Game (1/20 6:30PM)

Baltimore Ravens at New England Patriots (-9)
I began my college years at a school far from home that many people referred to as either “artsy,” “faggy,” or the combined “artfaggy.” So when people back home asked me “how it was going at that artfaggy place” I decided to give it right back to them in the form of MOMENTOUS lies, my favorite of which was this: That, along with our typical orientation presentation about how guys shouldn’t ever let their penises go near a girl or it would be rape, a middle-aged lesbian gave us a demonstration on proper fisting technique, which I would demonstrate by making my hand into something that looks vaguely like a duck shadow puppet and then shove into my other hand. People believed me, so I kept telling the story, until I was no longer giggling to myself and it didn’t even seem like a lie anymore. Maybe that’s what happened with Manti Te’o, except I never gave postgame interviews on national television about the false fisting program at Emerson College.
My Pick: Ravens (+9)

Speaking of lies, if those picks are wrong, they’re not my real picks, okay? See you next time.

Ian Curtis Martin

Organized Sports is a recurring sports column named for a seminal DC avant-hardcore song by the equally stupid and brilliant (to me, “equally stupid and brilliant” pretty much just means “brilliant”) band Void. Take from that what you will.

Last weekend didn’t offer many Unknown Pleasures, as three of the four games were ugly to watch, with only the final contest, the Redskins-Seahawks Sunday late game matchup, worth watching into the fourth quarter. I thought many of the games would be Closer, but they were not, and I only got a quarter of my picks correct.

As the New Dawn Fades on Saturday, hopefully I’ll throw off my incorrect gambling Disorder and the teams I choose will get into the Interzone more often. Or, rather, the end zone, I suppose.

This gimmick’s getting old, and it will get older after the jump.

Last Week: 1-3

Playoffs So Far: 1-3

Saturday Afternoon Game (1/12 4:30PM)

Baltimore Ravens at Denver Broncos (-8.5)
I once knew this guy who had it bad for a girl named Tara, and she did not return the feelings. I once asked him if his favorite Joy Division song was “Love Will Tara Sapart.”
My Pick: Broncos (-8.5)

Saturday Night Game (1/12 8PM)

Green Bay Packers at San Francisco 49ers (-3)
When trying to find some Insight into who might win this game, I thought about the guy who had an MVP year but will not even be an MVP Candidate, and that is Aaron Rodgers, who makes quarterbacking look too easy. The 49ers D has been tough all year, but look for the Pack to take this one in the Atmosphere of Candlestick.
My Pick: Packers (+3)

Sunday Early Game (1/13 1PM)

Seattle Seahawks at Atlanta Falcons (-2.5)
It’s basically become a tradition, a Ceremony if you will, for the Falcons to lose their first game of the playoffs under Matt Ryan and Mike Smith. If that happens again this year, the complaints from Falcons fans will go on much longer than Twenty Four Hours and come close to The Eternal.

My Pick: Seahawks (+2.5)

Sunday Early Game (1/13 4:30PM)

Houston Texans at New England Patriots (-9)
Many Boston pundits think that this one will be a regular Atrocity Exhibition—far be it from me to disagree with the thoroughly unbiased Boston media. It’s been Decades since they’ve made a mistake.
My Pick: Texans (+9)

Check back next week, when we find out the New Order of the championship games.